With the Dragonflies

Watercolor, pastel, and pencil on brown recycled paper, Sept. 2018

Ang Ilustrador ng Kabataan‘s theme for our annual art exhibit at INKFest was conquering our deepest fears. I had a hard time doing this, to be honest.

What my deepest fear was, I didn’t know.Or maybe I was not acknowledging or thinking about it too much. I had to search for a “What is your deepest fear” personality test on Google to see what it was.I answered two tests, and they gave me two different answers: both of which affirmed something I already knew within way before.

I was afraid of the death of a loved one and rejection.

Being an only child, it’s scary to think about the former. Growing up shy and insecure, it’s piercing to think about the latter.

“Conquering our fears…” I thought about the death of someone I love, and I wonder, can that even be conquered? That kind of fear?

Rejection was manageable – given some time – to be conquered but death?

I thought about how I can illustrate this concept, this conquering of both death and rejection. And then I thought: what about dragonflies? Since January 2018, I’ve been seeing them – real, as an illustration, or the word itself. And on our way to Fullybooked BGC earlier for INKFest, I saw another dragonfly.

It must be nice to just look at dragonflies at a field. You’re just there with them. Present. All your attention towards them. Being in the moment.

And that’s it.