Red — Arli Pagaduan

Red

Digital, Personal Work, 2014

A personal project wherein I try to use the color red in evoking certain feelings or words. There will be short narratives on each of them too which will relate to some of the lessons that God and other special people have taught me.

Love is a mother who sees her child for the first time after the pains of giving birth. She makes sure her hands are clean before she picks the baby up. She guarantees that the cold would never bother the child. She assures that the baby will grow up to be a man of God. She passes on the love from above and of her faithful husband to this child, and if the baby discovers the wonder that is grace when he grows old, this family would create a chain reaction of kindness – one that will be hard to break.

Shyness couldn’t buy doughnuts, because she was afraid that she might count the change wrong. She couldn’t look straight when walking down the cafeteria, for she was scared of people looking at her, quizzical and judgmental. Wary of being with people, she was. One day, she told herself when she was already working, she wanted to have friends; how could she have new good friends if she was shy? She cannot use shyness as an excuse anymore. It’s time to give up the veil and open up.

Humility, even though tempted by pride, did not waver. She thought of all she had and kept in mind that they weren’t hers in the first place. She delighted in the smallest flower in the garden just as she stood up for the smallest child in her class. The poor were her friends, the children her brothers and sisters.

Implosion was ready to implode at the mere touch or trigger of a painful memory. When she would implode, her face would show it. To escape her friends telling her off again for her moodiness, she said goodbye early and went away. Since she carried all her grief within, there was no outlet for her feelings. So she picked up a paintbrush and started to paint, as if she was that 9-year-old child again who loved watercolors a lot. Gradually, the shards and broken bits have settled down and turned quite nicely into petals, landscapes, and birds.

Fight discovered that every man’s life was a warfare – one fought not for everyone to see. This man, this woman, she saw, had internal struggles that no one knew about. She also realized that if one would want to win, they have to prepare for battle to overcome the ‘self.’ Nature against grace, ego against death to self. She hopes to stand by the side that can bring the most good to everybody.

Warmth came close to her eldest dog after he had a fight with the other dogs. He was scared, but after a few days, the trauma dissipated. What comfort it is to be with my owner – no – with my friend after such a fight, said the dog to himself. What comfort it is to have Warmth sleep with me on the rug in front of the fireplace.

Oh, Joy was a child! She never forgot what it was like to have that curiosity and wonder. She saw things as if it was her first time seeing them again. When fireworks graced the sky, she would jump around excitedly, and when their dog had given birth to puppies, she was in awe of the little heartbeats she thought she could hear. When she made her paper cranes on a lazy afternoon, nothing could erase the smile on her face. She found happiness in the simplest things.

Pinwheels

Surrender